steven n fettig's Jitterin' Thoughts

It took one short trip back in January to Toronto to finally jump start my training after six months of doing *nothing.* Since then, I haven’t taken more than a few days off… until last week. That was after the first Olympic (or international) distance triathlon I had ever done and now I’m paranoid that I’m losing everything that I worked so hard to gain. That is what I call training paranoia.

The triathlon I referred to above (on the 13th of July) went pretty well. Even though my race times this year have been far better than anything I could have accomplished in years past, I’ve still been left feeling like I could do so much better. I felt good about the races (breaking 1:20 hr for the Sprint distance stuff felt really good - especially considering I had all of three hours of sleep the night before the Bigfoot Triathlon), but there are always a few things about each race that could go better. I struggle like hell on the run. Right now, that is the demon of my race. I know I could do better on the swim, simply because I don’t put enough time into training for the swim, but I’ve decided not to worry about that until this winter, when I can put some focus on pool time and simply trudge through the laps. I also know my bike has much room for improvement, but because I rarely feel destroyed after or during the bike, it doesn’t worry me much. Psychologically, the bike impacts me the least of the three disciplines. The run is a whole other story. The first two races (nice, short Sprints) were miserable during the run. I had a horrible side stitch and simply couldn’t get my heart rate to a level where I could semi-relax and just run. When I compared my pace and heart rate to training data, they looked nothing alike. At 175-185 bpm, I can now maintain a pace of 7:30-8:00 min/mi. Some days it gets even better, but the average is such. During the races, my heart rate was pegged at 178-180 and I could barely meet a 9:00 min/mi pace. That grated on me mentally, not to mention the fact that I was physically going through enormous pain. Well before the Grand Haven Tri (the Olympic distance one), I finally figured out the cause of the stitch: Ultra Fuel (a Twin Labs carb drink). I always used Ultra Fuel for post workout recovery - both in my lifting days and especially when I started tri training. I had used it mid workout for rehydration on occasion, but I hadn’t ever really thought much about whether or not it would cause cramping. For whatever reason it simply doesn’t jive with my body when in the middle of heavy activity. At the Grand Haven tri, I tried Hammer Perpetuum (I knew I was taking a risk only having used it two or three times beforehand, but frankly, nothing could have been worse than what I had experienced before) and it worked like a charm. No side stitch. The problem was that the triathlon was turned into a duathlon because the surf on Lake Michigan was reaching 4-6 ft. levels and was going to make the swim impossible (unless we all wanted to run/swim along the shoreline). So, the 1500m swim was replaced with a 5k run. 5k run / 40 k bike / 10 k run. Oh gawd… I pulled off the 5 k run much faster than I had thought I would … and fell apart when I hit the 10 k run on the tail end. I couldn’t do better than a 9:00 min/mi and at one point, exactly 5 k into the run, I desperately wanted to quit; quit the run and quit the sport for the next month (or however long). It is amazing the games your mind loves to play with you when you’re struggling mentally and physically. (Within 30 min. of ending the race, I was already thinking of the next one - and what I could do better. Thankfully my mid-run depression ended pretty quickly.) The most interesting statistic from the race, though, was even with my perceived level of pain, my heartrate stayed below 175 for most of the run. For whatever reason, whenever I crossed the 170 mark and tried to kick the run up a notch, I started to fall apart.

Despite having finished the race faster than I thought I would, I am still really disappointed with the run. Even without the side stitch, I still ran like crap. I now realize how much more room there is for improvement this season. The problem is that with each crossed finish line, comes new (harder) goals. It isn’t decided whether or not I’ll join Josh for the Lake Geneva tri in September, but I know my last planned triathlon is in Las Vegas (actually Lake Mead) at the end of September and I’m hoping to leave everything on the course - in a good way.

The problem now is that I need some direction in restarting my training. As I write this, we’re on our way out of town until the end of the month and we’ll be in a place where I simply don’t have access to the training equipment and courses that I’m used to. Plus, I won’t have access to a bike, a huge part of my training and is my main motivation in getting through some of the harder days (I really do enjoy those rides - easy and hard alike).

Josh and I committed ourselves to a relatively hard program from Gale Bernhardt’s book, Training Plans for Multisport Athletes, but I’m not going to be able to do many of the workouts (e.g. the bike rides) because of not being home. My plan is to follow things as closely as possible, but only the next few days will show how possible this will be.

My biggest worry at this point - without any real data from previous training or coaching (I’m on the fence about “wasting time in getting one for the two months I have left this year - especially considering how pricey it can be) - is how much is realistically doable before September 28th and how much the week I just took off, plus what may happen while I’m gone, will effect me.

This is what I call training paranoia and is the main reason why I want to work with a coach on some level next year. Depending on how the last race ends, I’m seriously thinking of moving on to the half Ironman distances and sticking with that distance for some time to come. We’ll see how the next few weeks increase or dispel these worries…

On our family trip to the Bahamas I wanted to take some of the free time I knew I'd have to see if there would be a chance for me to find private Yoga instruction. By the end of the trip, I was given more than I had hoped for. My search started in the fitness center at Atlantis. I was directed to a gentleman - who I imagine is a personal trainer for the club - who contacted a local yoga teaching center. Little did I know that the place he contacted is actually a retreat and training center for Sivananda Yoga. Sivananda Yoga (as I slowly learned) is what I would best describe as a mix between the McDonalds Yoga you and I (may) know of through television and videos (or classes offered at a local fitness center) and Hindu. Although I suspect (and hope to learn more about) Sivananda has its roots in Hindu, the lack of the instructor's emphasis on gods or any deities leads me to see it as having a closer relation to Buddhism (rather, the branch of Buddhism I am most familiar with - that of the Dalai Lama). I had simply hoped for an instructor who would have the time to show me what I was doing right and wrong and make sure that as I continue to learn and practice it for triathlon training that I was doing things correctly.
Luckily, I was able to arrange for three private sessions. The first session was spent discussing what I already knew (or didn't know) about Yoga and what I had hoped to accomplish in our sessions. I made clear that I was not interested in the potential religious element of Yoga and had simply hoped to find someone to clarify some historical and specific physical aspects of the practice (perhaps I should have kept this to myself and simply learned what Sivananda Yoga taught). What developed was fascinating - especially given the short amount of time I was given with the instructor. She started me off with basic breathing exercises that I would liken to relaxation and meditative practices. In fact, we spent the majority of every session on breathing exercises, as I found the practice and theory fascinating. Right away, it occurred to me that the value of the breathing and meditative activities could very quickly be applied to the most difficult part of my triathlon experience (whether training or racing): running. I have already been able to find that place, mentally, to overcome the pain and/or boredom of the activity when it comes to swimming and biking. With swimming, I still struggle with [losing] proper form, but the struggle with breathing and effort isn't what is causing me grief. Biking is just ... easy; not physically, but mentally. I am much more willing and able to move through the pain and boredom than any other activity. I don't know if it is the combination of challenge and potential for speed, but whatever it is, biking remains my favorite side of the triathlon. Running is a whole different ballgame. I find myself looking forward to the run, but I find it most difficult to push harder and/or simply go the necessary distance to prepare myself for the types of competitions I want to race in. There are so many moments during each run where I simply lose the desire to continue. Regardless of effort level, I just want to quit. I can have plenty of energy left when running a 400, but I just can't mentally get over that barrier that the mind throws in my path to stop. The struggle compounds itself and ends up creating a vicious circle of doubt and apathy. Ironically, some of my longest and hardest runs are those that I have walked away from feeling completely refreshed and satisfied. So, the irony is that I really do enjoy the hard times in the end, but in the process of getting *to* the end, I fight my mind more than anything else.
During one of the breathing exercise practices, however, I found this level of peace with my physical being that I realized instantly how nice it would be to apply that meditative practice to my running - especially when things became difficult. It is odd to think that a relaxing, meditative practice could be successfully used while struggling up a hill in the heat of the day, but it was exactly that which happened when I thought back to the morning before and what I had learned. If for only a short moment, a wave of relaxation overtook me and suddenly I was running faster and "lighter" than I had the last three miles. It was only after a car almost ran me off the road (2 mi. later) that I lost it. Like with any practice - whether physical or mental - it will take time to learn to apply some of the breathing and meditative practices to more of my runs, but there is no doubt it will help.
I am in no way implying that what I'm talking about isn't happening to runners all the time and all over the place, but with those who share my struggle, it is amusing to find that a practice I came to because of the desire for greater flexibility has already provided for that but also another tool to add to the tool chest in dealing with the pain of running.
After finding the other two sessions helpful, I'm planning on trying to make it to Chicago's Sivananda center for more instruction on their form of Yoga. I'm curious what other tools they can provide to help in mastering my own mind for better training. Perhaps I can pass some of them on to you...